Breaking the Cycle of Overcomplicating

Welcome to the Leading Lane Podcast for Real Estate Pros by Real Estate Pros, with your hosts, Ashley Frederick and Steven Burch. If you're looking for an honest, authentic, and raw perspective, you found it. Maybe we can tie the two together. Yeah. And the stories that we tell ourselves. Welcome, everyone, back to the Leading Lane podcast. Ashley Frederick here with Steven Burch, who, by the way, is not my husband. We heard that last week, but I'm pretty sure both my husband and his husband wouldn't appreciate that. But we've decided that I can be his work wife. He can be mine. You should have seen their face when they were like, where's your wife? And I was like, well, first off, there's a little bit of an issue there, like, and then a friend was like, no, that's his work wife, because we're always together. So I thought that was hilarious. His face was priceless. So, yes, anyway, great, great laugh for the day. But today we decided to talk about a couple of different avenues as far as the stories that we tell ourselves and more. So what was the. What was the word you used? Over complicating. Over complicating, which we think about, obviously, in general, but with what's happened in real estate rules, etcetera, I definitely feel like there is a mountain of over complicating. Like, I feel like it is fairly black and white, but for whatever reason, we're all spinning and spinning and spinning. At least we're trying not to. I feel like we're pretty set in stone here. But I think when you look at over complicating, not only what's going on in the market right now, but over complicating how we address everyday situations, whether it's clients or staff or our own insecurities, what that means when we over complicate things. So I think a lot of it starts. I mean, of course, everything starts with us, right? Like, we are on worst enemies, we're our own worst critic, and we tell ourselves these stories and we make up these stories and these scenarios in our head, and then it continues to snowball, and then you continue to push off whatever it is that you're, you know, trying to avoid. But in all reality, if you were to, you know, just, you know, go straight in, into the, you know, hit, hit it head on, how much less energy you have to focus on it. You're exhausting yourself. You know, your. Your brain power, your bandwidth can be focusing on other things. And just then the negativity that we. We create for our own selves is Just, it's mind boggling that we allow ourselves to do it. And it's hard. I mean, I, I know that I still do it, but I, I literally have to sometimes note like, stop, Steven. You have to stop like that. We don't know that. We have no idea what the future is going to hold with it. So the only thing that I can really control is right here in front of me the right now versus worrying and having this anxiety of whatever could potentially happen in the future. You make a great point. Sorry, I was, we were on the accountability call, the rise and thrive with Neva and she was kind of talking about this and a really good simple step, she said, was just to like start to, in your head, like think about truths. So the sky is blue, right? Like today is Thursday and it's kind of just a matter of like resetting your brain to stop going down this hill of unknowns and the what ifs. Because if you were to actually, you know, actually you and I had a conversation with a couple last week and just talking about some things that were bothering them and I asked them how many hours a week they thought that were spending on that and they said, you know, like six to eight hours, I think it was. And I was like, right, but you say that, but we all have those situations and we might think it's six to eight hours, but now we thought about it before we went to bed, we thought about it over dinner, like, is it really six to eight hours? So like when you've kind of told yourself this story about how something's going to happen and then actually like, it, it didn't finally like, you know, know eat the frog and it, it didn't, it didn't go that way. Everything was fine. So right then you've been wasting like all these hours in this un, you know, healthy energy that you could have been pouring into family or into yourself. And one of the questions that you asked, and it's something that I try to ask myself now is what is the worst that that can happen? What is the worst thing that can come out of all of this? So in their situation, what was the worst that could happen in the things that they were avoiding? And you know, a kudos to you for like, that's a tough question to ask somebody, right? Like, because really you, what, what you're doing is you're making somebody stop think critically and really try to come up with the outcome of the worst case scenario. And a lot of times that worst case scenario really isn't that bad, right? Right. And what happened is the very next day she came over to you and said, hey, we have this conversation that we've been avoiding, blah, blah, blah. And really the outcome was not bad. It was actually a positive conversation and they're moving forward. And she like thanked you up and down the left and right to be able to have that conversation. And it's that one question that then allowed her to reframe or them to reframe their mindset. And going into it, because to me, if you're going to go into a situation with the negative thinking and with a negative outcome that you're already anticipating, that's more than likely kind of the outcome that you're going to get. But if you're manifesting it, yes, you are. But then if you go into it with a positive outcome and you know, with the positivity and open mind, open heart, you're going to get that type received back to you. So what is the worst case? You know, I did this with my coach a couple of weeks ago, like, oh, I'm not going to sell, you know, tickets to the, the broker fast track retreat. And you know, what if nobody shows up? What if, whatever, you know, she's like, what is the worst thing that's going to happen if only two people come, only one person comes to your retreat? It's like, well, no, like it's not cost me anything really out of pocket, but. So the worst thing that's going to happen is I'm going to be able to spend way more valuable intentional time one on one with them. And she was like, so the outcome is going to be grand for them. Yeah, you're right. So it was just great to be able to, you know, to have that little chin check, not think worst case scenario that, you know, the rejection, nobody's going to show up. And you know, not that I needed the validation or anything, but I'm here to help people. And if the worst thing is that only one or two people show up and I can help them even more than where they are now, that's a win. That's a huge win. So I think if you try to relate that back to business, right. Like there's so many conversations that I think that we avoid with either staff or with partners or with agents or with sellers and buyers. Like, we just avoid a whole bunch of conversations because we're afraid of what the outcome is. When I think nine times out of 10, it's probably not going to be an issue. And I think I've just started like Prepping that. Like, I asked a seller a question last night and I was like, I mean, like, I'm just going to be brutally honest. Like, I just have to ask you this, like, what's your plan B? And they were like, there is no plan B. And I was like, okay, great, I need to know that because, like, that is going to change how I answer these questions. But. Right. They appreciated that. I was like, if that's only your only option, then, like, we're going to have two things very different. But if you're just afraid of being like, well, what if they say they don't have a plan B? I don't want to know what they're going to say. Right. Then I wouldn't make the same decisions for them or help them go that way. But I also just think, again, it's such a matter of we are just over complicating it by running these stories in our head about, well, if we bring this up, they're going to be mad. Or if we bring this up, you know, the deal is going to go south. And again, if it just comes back to open communication, like, what if you bring it up and then they're like, yeah, seller's completely fine. We'll take care of it next week. Right. Again, we just wasted all of that time and energy. And I think that people are also, I think they're keenly aware, like, when you're holding back. So, you know, if you dance around the question versus just asking it, I think that there's two different outcomes. Well, and I think structuring and framing the question properly to help guide you. Like, I mean, this is a sales tactic. This is, you know, communication tactic. But like, instead of making it to where, you know, like, why did you do this to me? You should never start a question with why. Why throws up defense so quickly and somebody's want to want to defend whatever it is, even if it was not intended to be a questioning of what they were doing, that's how they're going to feel. So changing and reframing the question and you know, what made you come to that conclusion? Right? Like, same question, different way of asking it, and you framed it to where you can have that open conversation versus just, you know, automatically starting the negativity back and forth. So do you. Do you think that that's maybe why some people. There I am with the why. Why people avoid confrontation. I've completely. They have literally put a story in their head already that it's going to go super south. They're not going to come to a solution. And so I do think that that's why people avoid confrontation is because they're so afraid of the bad part of it versus like, what if it were to lead to something great? Yep, absolutely. I've heard this phrase and I might butcher it a little bit, but depression comes from thinking from the past. Then anxiety is from thinking about the future. That happiness and joy come from the present. And so it's when that anxiety happens for me, it's like, okay, what am I really thinking about? What am I being anxious? I'm creating that anxiety myself because I'm overthinking and I'm over analyzing and I'm coming up with bullshit stories myself. So if I need to pull myself back to be in the present, you know, then I can create the happiness and making sure that I'm being a little bit more strategic versus trying to just come up with the narrative of the future. Well, and I think even for me, sometimes I think I am more aware of when I'm starting to go down a rabbit hole and I just don't have the space and energy for that anymore. But sometimes it's a matter of literally just like stopping what you're doing. Like, you know what, I need to go for like a 10 minute walk. I need to clear my mind. I need to, you know, whatever. So I think if we can feel ourselves going down that or it's like, it's like phone a friend, right? Like, okay, I need somebody that I trust, but also someone we just talked about it, that's going to call you out. Be like, here, this is what I'm thinking. And then like a good friend's gonna be like, well, that's dumb and you should just do it this way versus the other friend that might go down that rabbit hole with you. Like those are two very different friends. And let me tell you, like when you remove the friends that go down the rabbit holes with you, which get me wrong, there are avenues for going down rabbit holes. But when you find the friends that are like, okay, so I think you might be thinking about that a little bit differently. And I know you don't. I do that all the time. But did you think about what if it went this way? Like just like what Laura said. And I think we just a matter of training ourselves to just be aware when we're in the moment. You know, we, we've been talking a lot, you know, for my personal brand and about marketing and everything else. And I always overcomplicate it and I'M just like, well, I don't know what people, you know, what I should be posting in this and that. And like, really, it's not that difficult. It is sharing, it's being social. Right. So it's putting myself in check in those different things. But I'm really seeing a lot. We've been talking a lot about leads and we talk about, obviously, the lawsuit, all of these things. And I think overthinking can be with anything. And when I think in, specifically in the real estate industry, everybody's looking for the easy button. But if they really want the easy button, the easy button is truly the easy things and it's the consistent things. But nobody wants to. Or it seems like nobody wants to slow themselves down enough to be able to say, okay, I need leads. What does that really mean? How do I generate these leads? What do I need to do? What is the marketing? Right. And then moving yourself backwards and the way that I like to look at it is, is it really that difficult? But what is it the task at hand that you're trying to accomplish? And then what is the step before that, the step before that? And go five, six, seven steps behind. And that's really where you need to start versus just focusing on the leads and the instant gratification. Maybe it's first posting on social, maybe first having your, you know, your headshot out there and your bio out there. It's that simplistic of things before we need to jump to seven steps ahead and wanting the outcome that we're after. Yeah. It's like a matter of making things easy. And I think it goes back to your exercise that you like, Is it the why or the what? Like where you keep on going down the. Yeah. Like, so asking the question, like, what is your struggle? What are you struggling with? Why is that? And then continuing to answer the question before or that your answer before with why. Is that true? Yeah. And if you can do that. Right. Like so, like whatever your struggle is, but. But why? And then from that, why. So there's typically about five or six whys, and I think you can probably confirm, but like nine times out of 10, it's yourself 100%. It's typically always the person that is writing whatever the struggle it is. Right. Like they are holding themselves back. I'm holding myself back for whatever it is that I'm trying to accomplish. But it's easier to point fingers at all of these external factors of, well, I'm not getting leads because of, you know, I don't pay into XYZ or the leads aren't good, you know, so therefore it's somebody else's fault. Instead of saying, well really the leads or that's what you paid for is the lead. You're now after the conversion. So do you have your follow up in play? Do you have a system in play? Are you being consistent with it? Are you using automation? And then really it's oh, I didn't have time to set it up or I don't want to learn how to do use a CRM system. So it's a U issue constantly. So I think that yeah, nine times out of 10 it's a, it's a me issue. Hi, I'm the problem. We were talking about a book. I'm only like halfway through it, but I feel like I just always like to give people book recommendations because I think that it can just make someone think differently. And I'm reading the full fee agent and it, it really is about valuing yourself. And I just talked about an agent with yesterday that it's okay to fire people. And I think that that's such a misnomer in real estate that you just keep a really shitty client and that you're like tied to them because people are, you know, so set on their income that they might generate, which not how I operate. Like it's a matter of like if they're good people and if someone is going to not be respective of you or your time, then they're not a good fit. And I guarantee you that there's someone right behind them that will, you know, value your time and your opinion and it will make up for itself. So it talks about like in all types of avenues, like whether you're the favorite or you know, whatever. There's just ways to look at making sure that you're actually filling your pipeline with people that really value you. And I wrote down one thing because what it talks about too is that we do, we just literally get in our own way. And so there's two things it said. Trying to avoid tough stuff only prolongs the pain, which is true. And be the buffalo run into the storm, which I love that. And I think there was a course I took a couple years ago and it talked about like waking up in the morning and writing down the three things that you're avoiding the most. And then once you get to work you have to, you have to cross those three things off. And like I've done that and it is amazing. Like, oh, it wasn't that bad. And I had been avoiding it for like a week. So I was telling you a story that like we're all guilty of it, right? I. I have a listing that's been sitting there for a while and the market's a little strange in that price point right now. There's lots of things going on in our town and they're an older couple. So you know, normally it's phone calls. I don't always catch them. So it had been a while since I talked to them and I was just like, right. Like, oh, like a call and then they're going to say they haven't heard from me in like a week and a half and they're going to be upset. And I know he's going to ask why they haven't had any showings. And so I like put it off for like three more days. And then there's also points to me that these are like the same story. It's then a matter of like putting yourself in the seller's shoes and like, I'd want to hear from you. And so you have to tell yourself these stories versus being concerned about them being like, why didn't we hear from you? So I called him and like, sweetest ever. Like, oh Ashley, it's so great to hear from you. We're just thinking about you and we're getting everything packed up and yeah, I've been watching the market. I mean, not your fault. It's just a matter of. And I was like, seriously, like first of all, they're the sweetest people ever. But right. Like I had told this stuff, my story that they were gonna be upset. I mean, granted I can't control the market, but right. We tell us these things because everyone expects everything to move fast. So I, it did it right. Like it just made my, my day better that I got it taken care of by 9 o' clock in the morning and I didn't ho hum over it for the next four or five hours. So I encourage people like anything that you're just like just hanging out there and you're thinking about doing it, you haven't done it, you haven't done it. Like again, what's the worst that's going to happen? And the longer you prolong it, like really, like it might, might get worse, might get harder to have those conversations. Well, there's going to be a point of no return at some point. And then if that's only if that's only one scenario that is happening in your life and that's how much it's weighing on you. The couple that you were talking about that we spoke to last week, I mean, that's six or eight hours a week that they were thinking about one scenario. But then what about the other businesses that they're running or the other situations that are happening or the other transactions or the personal things? Now you compound all of those together. Like, that's a lot of worrying. That's a lot of stress. Like, your bandwidth is minute. And so therefore, when you're now then adding in the, the, you know, the asshole clients and people that you're working with and, you know, you're, you're just, you're making this so much worse than it really even needs to be. Because I about bet that that's just not the one thing that is really lingering out there. It's because we're in this realm rut, in this habit of not going, you know, running into the storm on, on those different tactics. I think we're in a habit of, like, people pleasing as well. Absolutely. Yeah. You know that my, my favorite phrase, and I think Heidi said it to us, is that's not my rock to pick up and put in my backpack. And like, you always say to me, thank you. Yeah, like, I'm, I don't want to pull. I don't want anybody else's weight in my, my backpack. And it's funny. Everybody has difference of personalities, right? But I try to just spearhead right into, like, what is the issue? Like, yeah, there are things that, you know, that we, we can't go directly into, like that. But I don't want to hold on to it. I don't want to, you know, let it fester up. I used to be that person would fester up and then there would be something so small, so minute, like, and then I would blow up. That's not fair to everybody else around me, you know. So now it's like, cool, let's have a frank conversation. Let's go into this. And you know, just like you, you're. We're really close to a lot of our staff and our agents, so sometimes it's hard to have those conversations. But my, my staff and my team now know, like, cool, are you ready to have a business conversation? And I make sure that they know that we're about to have an open business to conversation. And typically they know that it's serious. But I want to make sure that, like, I don't want to leave and let that fester overnight. Like, I want to be able to leave that meeting and say, cool, do you want to go Have a beer now. Like, can we now hang out? And instead of letting it continue on and kicking the can down, down the road. Well, and I think, you know, that's interesting too. Like, I think it's just a matter of being aware of your people too. So I think there's like two things. Like one when we don't address these, like, sure, saying it's six hours, but it, it's also like our mental well being, it's our health, it's, are you going home and taking it out on your spouse or your kids? Like, not really knowing that. But I think it's also like being aware of your people and when something does seem off, not letting that fester as well. Because again, like, what's the worst thing that would happen if you just say, like, is, is everything okay? You know, and it's, it goes back to a friend that things seemed off. And I was like, not we. Like, we have to have a conversation. I can think of like, two separate friends and like one, like, we're out to dinner. And I was like, it's like something's not right. Like you, like you are not yourself and then write. It opened this, like, can of worms that she had been holding in and it was a matter of just like, rhythm, releasing that and now they're like flying high. Either that or right, like somebody else was like, dealing with some mental health things. And I was like, you need to talk to somebody and that's okay. But right. Like, we had the wherewithal to care about someone enough to be like, I'm not just going to keep on wondering, like, are they upset with me or is there something wrong when it's because there was something that we didn't know was going on in their lives. That's the other thing we have to remember too, is we don't know what's happening in someone else's lives. And just imagine, you know, like, if you didn't have that conversation with that person and, or you avoided it, or you overthought it, like, and something traumatic happened, you know, then naturally, you know, your initial response is like, what could I have done? You know, how could I have done it differently? And then now you're really having a whole different type of energy and thought process because something's, you know, terrible happened to that person. So I think it's, yes, it's maybe uncomfortable sometimes to stop and ask a question or, you know, making sure that you're checking in when you feel the vibe is off. Like, but just imagine what if like you asking is the. The thing that's actually going to save them or help them or, you know, get them to the next level that they're wanting to be. So it's just communication. I think a lot of the things that we talk about is communications and the relationships with people that you have and being open and honest and transparent with your people and you're going to find your tribe and those are the people that you want to surround yourself with. Yeah, I would say I would just encourage. My challenge for anyone listening this week is pick one thing that you are putting on, whether it's a conversation, you know, with a loved one or someone, anything that you're putting on that has been weighing on you that, you know, you're spending extra time and effort thinking about the outcome. Just eat the frog, do it. Let us know how it turns out. I'm sure it'll be fine. And if not, sorry. I'm sure it will be. But I just think if everyone really were to think about if there's something that's really weighing on them or bothering them, like, let's just figure out what the worst case scenario is and do it so we can move on. And what. What does eat the frog mean? I don't know. It just means get it done. Yeah. So the. The book, eat the frog, right? Like, if you eat frog first thing in the morning, right, like, it sounds disgusting, then if that's the most disgusting, the horrible thing that you have to do for the day, the rest of your day is going to be everything else thereafter that you eat is going to taste amazing, like cake. Right. Eat the frog first. Get it out of the way and get the disgusting things that you're avoiding out of the way for the. Your. Your day and make. Yeah, absolutely. Everything else is going to be glorious thereafter. So great topic. I take your challenge and I will. I will do that this week. So thank you for. Yeah, perfect. Well, thank you everybody for tuning in. Please go like and subscribe and share if possible and tune in next time. We appreciate you. If you've enjoyed today's episode, please, like subscribe and share with others. Stay connected for more genuine insights and strategies to boost your real estate career on Facebook or check out our website. We'll see you next time.