Diversity in Real Estate

Welcome to the Leading Lane podcast for. Real estate Pros by Real Estate Pros with your hosts, Ashley Frederick and Steven Burch. If you're looking for an honest, authentic,. And raw perspective, you found it. Thank you guys for tuning in. I'm so excited for this episode. We have a fantastic host or host guest is what it is. We have a host co host Ashley Frederick, which we know, and then it's called a guest. There we go. Andrina, you are our very first guest on our podcast. So thank you for being our guinea pig on here. But in Ashley is one of my agents in our company, and we have asked her to join us today and just tell her story. And again, just with everybody that has been listening to us, we're going to be real, we're going to be raw, and we're going to tell it how it is. So we're telling from our perspective. And, you know, I want Ashley to being completely transparent in her perspective. And we're going to sit here and kind of just chat and I'm going to. Ashley, do you have any, you know, points that you want to throw in first before we throw it over to Andrina? No, just that I got to be lucky enough to hear this story in person. So I'm just excited for Andrina to be able to share this with even a larger group. So go right ahead. Awesome. So, Andrina, let's throw it over to you. Introduce yourself, tell us about yourself, and then we'll go from there. Okay. Yeah. So Andrina and I apologize. I'm getting over close, so my voice is going to be a little scratchy. When I came to this company, you know, you didn't really know. You look for someplace you're going to be comfortable in. I think you know, who's going to. You're going to be working with is definitely one of those important key factors. And me looking for a company, honestly, I'm looking for a company with people that possibly have something like me. I look at people and I didn't want to go to a group of people. There was four bald white men. That's not for me. I'm probably not gonna be as comfortable right away. And I found this company and the company I actually chose, realistically, I'm in Kansas, and so there's not a whole lot of diversity as much as maybe in other places. And the one thing was, oh, everybody, there's brown hair and there's not just all blue eyes and blonde hair. And you know, my broker, there's some diverse and there's you know, gay. And there's different, you know, different walks of life. And I'm like, maybe I can find comfort here. And meeting with my broker was an amazing experience. I actually asked him, I was like, do I need to basically wash myself out? Like, are you expecting me to wash myself out? Do I need to come and straighten my hair? Do I need to, you know, just. Are you expecting me to pretend to be somebody I'm not? And absolutely. The first thing was just, no. Be you have the big hair, you know, tattoo, face, whatever it is, be you. You know, there's somebody in this field that's going to relate to everybody. It's not a cookie cutter field. And so having somebody that supports that's really a nice experience coming in here. Of course I'm biracial. I don't. I don't know if you tell, but there's, you know, white and black. And so coming into it, you know, you don't. You hear a lot. You don't. You might not think that there's really a big demographic for people who treat you differently, maybe. I mean, if you're not experiencing it, then you really don't know. And I honestly don't think I experienced it even so much in Kansas until I got in this field. And you're working with these new clients and it can be something is just very mild as, oh, I know a black person down the street. And then it's like, as far as to someone else telling me, like, oh, you people, like, you guys, just you guys in your dry, nappy hair and like, we're not friends. You just work for me. Like, I've had both ends and then I've had it even from other black people where, you know, they tell me maybe I need to just. They tell me they're uncomfortable, they're not sure about working with a black person because maybe it's going to deter people from coming to their home. So maybe they feel better just choosing a white realtor. I have been on the phone with somebody for two hours, had a great conversation, and they told me, I think we love you, but we think it's just going to be in our best interest to choose a white realtor, if I'm being honest. And the fact that I was able to get that much comfort out of them where they're comfortable enough to even say that to me is. It blew my mind, you know, and then to have like, kind of know, like, where do you go in this? Because of course, there's that instant, I have to say, professional but it's, I don't feel very professional in this setting. Like I'm. You're bringing out a different side of me, but I need to keep my cool. But I don't know, you know, trying to battle in your head what to do in this situation, how unprofessional is too unprofessional without being untrue to yourself and you know, talking to your broker and you know, saying like, I had to have that real conversation as far as what do I do in this situation? Because it made me angry, honestly. And having somebody that knows where, the right direction, when they are maybe out of their realm, knowing they can direct you to another person, it definitely is helpful. And you know, I spoke with some people who had experienced it firsthand and were kind of able to give me those pointers. It helped tremendously. Let's, let's unpack this because I think it's so important on a lot of different levels of these different points that you've made. Right? A. It's absolutely sad that we're in a world that people treat other people because differently because of their skin or their, their hair type, texture or their sexuality or whatever it's going to be. There's a list of reasons why or not why or what people are angry about and have their opinions about. But I, I remember distinctly, you know, when you came in to interview with me and we're chatting, we're laughing and you know, I think that we really, you know, I'm going to speak for myself. I had an instant connection with you. I was like, I, she's down to earth, I gotta love her. And I don't look at, I don't look at people for color or what. I don't look at them and judge them out that way. We're right next to a military base. And so I grew, born and raised and I call our area like a melting pot because you have all walks of life and I think I'm so fortunate enough to, to be able to experience that and really like be able to be open to all nationalities and color and origin of where you're at. So. But anyways, when we were talking, let's kind of unpack because you know, we have people that are listening and not just watching us on camera here. When you say look like you, you hit a little bit on your hair, go a little bit further into what you're meaning by that. Just looking for somebody who basically. Okay, so if I'm seeing four white bald head men, I really don't know the extent of there's a possibility that they may not, we may not. We may clash. Just that possibility of there may be races. We don't know. We don't know. And so going somewhere where it's like you hope, like maybe, oh, there's. There's black people in this one. There is no places here. There are no places here that have that diverse. Where there's like black people and this. And, you know, there's different cultures. There's not very many of them. And so you kind of have to take what you can get honestly and you have to trust your judgment. You have to take a look and just get a feel for people and hope that, you know, they really are just good people. And when I met with you, I instantly felt, this is good people. I'm not being judged. They want me to be myself because they understand the same way I do. There are people who are looking for me. There's people that are looking for you, there's people that are looking for me, and there's somebody for everybody. And so just looking for somebody in regards to having maybe the same similar skin color or, you know, maybe normally my hair is a little bit bigger, but, you know, it's like, oh, she has an Afro that I relate to an app like, that's like there's. It's a culture in its own, honestly. Or people with dreads or, you know, piercings, tattoos. Like, there's so many different things that may. You wouldn't even know, make someone comfortable just by looking at somebody. The same way it can change where a white person would see me, maybe, or somebody else that didn't have those similarities. And they may instantly be uncomfortable and. Or maybe they're not even uncomfortable. Maybe they feel more comfortable with somebody else or an older generation person feels more comfortable with the older generation person. It's just. Who do you feel like we relate to? People instantly see faces. That is their first instinct, natural instinct to, you know, as much as people don't judge, they. They're judging in some way, whether it be in a positive way or negative way. They're taking something from that face of what they, you know, how they want to proceed or anything. Sure. And so when you know, and you'll have to help me with my memory here, but I believe we had. Was Ashley here before. Before you. So I was the first one. I was the first black person that I'm aware of. When I came, there was nobody. We had another agent come, Jaterra. She came after me. She will tell you she came because she saw my face. We had another agent come, Aaron, he came because he saw me and Jatera's face. We had another one, Deanna come because she saw me, Jaterra and Aaron's face. These are all things, you know, and now you're bringing in this, this new culture. Like you're adding to a culture already, but you're getting a different demographic. Absolutely. And I think that's huge. Like for, for me when, you know, some of the, the different courses and different seminars that I've been to, people talk about like how you have to be diverse and create diversity. Like you can't create diversity, like you can't force people to come to your business and work for you. And I, I think that, you know, this is just like the culture talk that we've talked about, you know, the camaraderie. Like it has to, you have to make all walks of life feel comfortable with you. I don't care again what your skin color is. But I think we, I know that we've had conversations like this is my, my expectations, these are the way that the company is going. And as long as you align and you're going to do everything ethically, legally and you align with my morals of the company, like cool, I don't care what you look like. And I truly believe that if you have all the people from the same group, quote unquote clique or whatever you want to call it, same demographic, same circle of people, you're not reaching out into the other people. You're keeping yourself so small minded in such a circle because you're not pulling other outside influences. And if you want to be able to grow not only just for an agent or for the company, you have to diversify all the way across the board. And I, there's a, there's a picture on, I think it was on Instagram. It was all of these, quote, white girls, blonde hair, has the hat, basic white, right? Like that have the, the Starbucks cups. And like they're saying that they're a specific office. Like I don't want that. And I couldn't just snap my fingers and say I'm, I'm going to go completely against it. But I also had to prove myself because I too had to, you know, go through the, a lot of negativity and people's opinion of my sexuality and my age and I mean like I had so many different things and I'm not saying it's same same, but I understood struggles and so I could relate of some of these struggles that you were referring to. I remember. Ashley, do you have anything to throw in and keeping us online? Because, you know, my, my brain's going to jump all over the place with this. I mean, we're on a good. A great track. But I think that, you know, all types of people listen to our podcast too. And I think what I really hope is that people will check themselves, you know, after listening to this and realize that we are all, you know, have the ability to represent our clients just the same. I mean, Andrina is a great agent and what a loss for a client, you know, I think to make a decision off of that and I think, you know, a little bit further. I think it'd be a great conversation to have. As to when you do hear those things, like, what do you and Steven come back with when someone says they don't want to work with you? I think that that's something we should definitely talk about. I remember there was a situation in. I don't know if this is the first time that you came to me about it, but basically bringing and raising that there's an. You have a client or a potential client that was making comments. I think it was the you people type of thing. And I was like, oh, hell no. No, I don't, I don't even want their listening. I don't, I don't want to work with anybody like that. Like, let's not run after them. Like, I will go over there. Let's go. Like, you know, I was ready to, you know, pack my bag and go knock on their door. Um, but how did that make you feel as far as the, the client that you're interviewing with or if that was your client too, like, how did that make you feel? And then what about the conversation that we had to be able to help support you? Yeah, that client, that client, she was my client. We had been working together for a few weeks and I feel like I definitely have a way of connecting with a lot of different people and even truthfully her, and to some extent enough for her to feel comfortable enough to start her real true colors starting to show up. And it makes you feel really bad. Like I really, in the moment, I. For my client, I. She's somebody that likes to sign everything by hand. So when you have a client that wants to sign everything by hand, you're going to be doing a lot of visiting to their home. I'm going to have to do a lot of door knocking bothering you. 10 O' clock in the morning. 9 O'. Clock. Morning. Hey, I need you to sign this. And one time I decided, let me bring her breakfast and let me bring her some gifts, you know, because I'm probably stressing this lady out all the time. Early in the morning, it's, you know, And I did this. And she says, I don't want anything you bring me. You're just working for me, girl. Just know that you're just working for me. That's nothing else. There's nothing to this. And she's like, basically told me, take my stuff. Take my stuff and go. So. After. And, you know, even if that. That part alone, because we had so many different encounters with the. You people with the. My. Our color. Our company color is orange. And she's like, you people love your orange. Like, I don't know why. Why do you guys love your orange? And, you know, there's this is. She's naming all her neighbors around the street, and this is such and such. They all have names. Then there's a black guy that stays over there. Like, it's a whole. And in that moment, the feeling is rage. It's rage. It's instant. I. I want. You know, truthfully, you want to hurt somebody. You. You want to make them feel the way they are making you feel. That is a painful thing. You know, I'm bringing flies to your door. Just anything. And to do that walk of shame, essentially, where you're taking. Picking yourself back up. And in that moment, do I say something? Do I have. Am I. You know, do you speak for yourself or do you walk away? Because this is a business and keep it pushing. I really. I really had a problem and I left. And I'll be honest, when I left and I said. I don't remember quite what I said because, you know, you kind of glitch out a little bit. Like, I know I said a little snarky remark back. I can't remember. I think she said, mention something about my hair being dry. All black people's hair is just dry. And I'm like, well, you know, we can't. You know, all white people have life. It is what it is like, you know, and, no, I don't believe that. But, you know, when someone's just, you know, saying something stupid. Let me just, you know, we're just saying stupid stuff. Let's say stupid stuff. But it really bothered me that in that moment, I did not know exactly what to say because I was so filled with anger. And coming back, that that was the first interaction where I actually spoke on something to you. And truthfully, I didn't speak on anything prior because in my head this is a normal thing. What am I going to, I can't just come to you every time something happens. This is just unfortunately a part of some people's everyday life and you just have to kind of deal with it, unfortunately, whether you deal with it in a positive way or a negative way, you know, and so really, you know, I am involved with the diversity committee here in Kansas. You know, just spreading awareness, that's really all, you know, letting people know that there this is going on. And you know, for that's kind of the biggest thing I can take from this, is letting people know this is a big thing. This is real stuff happening in our area. And no, I'm not one of those people to think that everybody is, you know, attacking black people or, you know, everybody has different motives. I don't feel that. But when someone shows me that I trust that, I trust that they're showing me who they are, they're showing me that character. And this is a real thing. And people who are working with this person need to know this person is this type of person. We're not working with them. And so, you know, I had of course went to Steven and in that moment where that was handled. Steven can help. Steven definitely is a great motivational speaker. He definitely helps a lot. He. And you know, in this circumstance he can only, you know, you can only really helps so much in this kind of situation. So he did, he recommended me to another broker who has experienced these, who is like me and when it, as far as skin features and you know, all these, these different things. And me and her had had like a two hour conversation just regarding just, you know, just venting, really just venting and how she's handled it in the past. And how can we change this and make this a bigger issue than just blowing it under the rug. And so now, you know, diverse community, we're getting newer things on for these agents. We're getting the, at home with diversity, just some training so people know that these are real things happening. Of course every situation is different. So it's hard to say like, oh, if this situation occurs, this is how you handle it. There's no one way and everybody's different. There's going to be situations where someone's going to completely lash out and there's going to be situations where somebody may walk away because they're very timid. And in my circumstance I'm, I'm very playful, but I'll be very snarky like I'll say some very crazy little joke like, okay, we're playing like that. Let's play it. And I mean, it's not really a one feature. And I feel like any situation, that was how I handled that one. But in another one, maybe that could be someone's last straw. You know, you never, you never know. And so if, if I remember, was it Nikita or who is it that I recommend? Yeah. And so like, and she's down. She's a broker owner and down in Georgia. Atlanta, Maryland. Maryland. Maryland. She's in Maryland. Okay. My bad. Names and places, right? Yeah. But I was thinking it's like, okay, I know that I cannot say I've. I've been in your shoes. Right. Like, there's no way like I'm white or you're biracial. I totally understand that. So I knew that going that approach and trying to make you feel better with my words was not necessarily going to be the. The umph. That you were looking for. And so, you know, I was trying to think like, who do I know that is going, you know, is a powerful black businesswoman that will be able to help and be able to show that like, no, you have the power through this. And let's, let's make this something that, you know, we're not going to shut down and, and run out of this industry. Let's. Let's make this to where that you are proud to stand up and stand up for yourself. And then really, I think when I, in my email to her, I didn't read it this morning. I should have, but I was like, I want to know what I can do to be a better leader so that this, I know that I can't prevent it, but I want to make sure that my agents and I mean, regardless of my agents or not, but I want to know that. I want people to know that I have their back and I'm going to help them regardless of what it is. And yeah, so I love that you were able to connect with her and be able to here from different perspectives. And I think it just shows that this is happening all across. I mean, really the world still. And it's happening so freaking sad now in this. Like when you started sharing this story, it was at my, my broker Fast Track retreat. That's where I think it was the day that I had all the agents there at the sales meeting and the brokers, the attendees were watching and we had a guest, another broker owner from Colorado, I believe, and she was Hispanic and she. We kind of got on this topic, and you guys can help me through this. But we got on this topic of basically when people heard her over the phone, everything was fine, but really when it was in person, they were conceived. They can see that she was Hispanic and then experienced this discrimination. And when she was sharing the story, she really just shut down and became extremely emotional. And then this is when you, you know, really stepped up and shared your story. Right. How did it make you feel that somebody of a different nationality, Hispanic and being able to. She's experienced the same thing that you are in Colorado, that you are in Kansas. So how did that make you feel? It made me. I mean, I. I'm very aware with what's going on in different places, different nationalities. I mean, I just want it in that moment, I just want it to be there for her in the only way, knowing, hey, you're not alone. We get through this. And that's really all I can do. You can't sit there and just hold raging every day. You don't want to cry about something every day. You need to cry, cry, let that out, Rage, throw whatever you got to do. Let that out. Let it go. You are standing up stronger. You are standing on, you know, you're not standing by yourself. I'm here. There's other people going through this. It'll be okay. I just want to be there. I think in that moment, too, right. I think it was apparent that she hadn't really let that out to anyone, really. I think this was a. That was a really time, if you will, or emotional spot for her to be able to feel comfortable, to release that. And I think that's why it was so emotional, how great that, you know, you were there to, you know, more or less comfort her and relate. And I think that that's just what we need to be a lot more aware of, you know, as humans, is that we're all facing some type of, you know, struggle. And if we can be, you know, more open with each other, I think, like you said, we help each other. You know, I think, though, my hope in this, in this podcast is we can just draw more attention to it, because I think as realtors, you can relate that, you know, we get all this training about how to treat clients so, you know, the at home with diversity, you know, those types of things. But I don't think it's a topic that is discussed enough as far as the opposite. Right. So, like, what we're talking about today, what happens when it's the agent that's, you know, actually being Discriminated against. And I can tell you that I think there were a lot of people in that room too, that that thought had never crossed their mind. And I think as being leaders in your community or in your offices, the more that we're aware and the more that we stand up for one another, that's how we make a difference. One of the other attendees, the. The broker owners, hey, he's a big old dude, macho dude, right? Like, and kind of hard to. Kind of hard to read, very straight face throughout the first day. And this is day two. And he came up to me afterwards and he was like, I literally, like, had tears in my eyes. Like, I had to call my wife and just like, tell her, like, oh, my God, what a. What a. Like a realization that we just experienced. And, you know, a chin check of, like, there's people out there that are treating others like that. And I never thought of it this way. And, you know, he then went into about how being vulnerable, right, like you are being vulnerable. The. The other broker owner, she was being extremely vulnerable and being able to share her feelings. And we were in a space that allowed that conversation to happen openly and honestly, I didn't even interject at all. Like, I wasn't even really being the facilitator, if you will, during these conversations. And it was, I think, as. Also, like, as a leader, you have to allow time and space for people to be vulnerable and open in front of other people if they are comfortable with it and not shut it down. Because I think if you shut it down, you're just going to suppress their, you know, their feelings even more. I think it's, you know, you're trying to control. Like, it's not a fun topic, like, who wants to talk about discrimination? We would love to say it's not happening, but it is. We have to have these true talks and making sure that we're bringing light to absolutely everybody and that we have no clue how another person, like Ashley said what they're struggling with. And so let's be there and be able to lift them up. So. Absolutely. I think that was really big to. You know, I never. I don't think until that moment, like, I didn't really realize, like, yeah, we do allow the emotions and the freedom and the vulnerability. And I'm very vulnerable. Like, I think that, you know, for. For me to be able to share a lot of different of my stories to my agents and to other, you know, my clients, I. I think that's what makes a good leader is being vulnerable and showing that you two have struggles and emotions and so that they're, you know, my agents and my friends and my peers, like, everybody's able to then help me and lift me up too. So it goes both ways of accepting the vulnerability and then also making sure that you're open and vulnerable to others as well. Let's talk about Deanna a bit. You cool? I'm. The thing that I did not know her name is really not Deanna. Right. Deanna. And I did not know that. And I don't know remember if it was at this conversation or not. But, like, she shares. She's like, my. My real name is Deanna. I'm like, what the fuck? Like, you've been with me for how. You called it up. Yeah, I actually called it out because she shouldn't be changing her name. Stand on your name. Yep. So, yeah, so it's just something like. I'm gonna say simple as that. Like, no, don't mask who you are. Like, I was. I was mad at her, like, full. Like, why did you feel that you had to do it? But I also understand where, you know, like, what her. As she explained it, like, what her mentality was of it. It was easier for her in my. I mean, like, I'm paraphrasing here. It was easy for her to just change your name versus just correcting people. Like, right? Like, yes. And I still even catch myself saying her name incorrectly, and it makes me so mad. And I had apologized, you know, multiple times, and she's like, yeah, yeah. Like, at least you are acknowledging and you were trying to make, you know, the change. Like, you've known my name for about a year as Deanna and now it's Deanna. Like, okay, but yeah, so let's go with that. Like, how do I say simple? It's really not simple. That's a huge thing. It's your name. It's your identity. Yeah. What are your thoughts on that? I mean, it's a normal thing. I mean, even with my name, my name is Andrina and it's a normal thing. People call me Adriana. Ashley. Adriana. Even in emails, you see my name spelled. If you can see my name spelled, there's no reason you should type in my email. Responding back to my email calling me Adriana. There's no reason. I have no understanding of it in person. And I, you know, and I tell people when I talk to them, I let them know, hey, my name is a little more difficult. You may not remember right away, but we're going to fix. We're going to figure this out together. If you need me to correct you, just don't be offended. I'm going to correct you. I know with Deanna, I have my picture on my card. Deanna has her. She does not want a picture on her card. She doesn't want people to instantly know what she looks like until they get a chance to speak with her. And it's hard to say, like, oh, I'm not surprised. Like, this is a normal thing. It may be more surprising for other people, but it's not. It's just a normal. That's. And I know Amy, honestly, and I used to do it when I first would meet with people. My first thing is to maybe, maybe I want to tie my hair back and put it in a nice little bun, slick back, cover up my tattoos. You know, maybe I want to get what a little sense that, like, you know, you want to. Your instant thing is, how can I make this easier for other people to accept? And then you come to part two. Why am I changing myself for you to accept me? When I love myself, I accept myself. If it's hard for you, you don't need to be talking to me. You don't need to be working with me. You don't need to encounter me. And so really, my feelings are either figure it out or don't. Like, it's very simple. The people who want to acknowledge my name correctly, the people who want to acknowledge me for me, those are the people I want in my life. And you know, on the name topic, and just popped in my brain, like we actually had in our office for a good while to where you were being confused with Ashley. Correct? She was,. Yeah. And so people would be like, hey, Ashley to Andrina. And like, even that, like, you're not even taking the time to be in. And I'm, I'm speaking for myself and my opinion on this, right? Like, you're not even taking the time to make sure that you know the correct person's name. And it would be different if, you know, like, it would be like, hey, Ashley, and I'm really talking to Andrina, like, oh, I messed up your name. But it was a constant, right? And it just happened to be that it was the two black girls in our office that they were switching the names up. Like, that infuriated me to know in that I just thought that was so extremely disrespectful. And I also know, and if you want to share this and there's a situation, another situation within our office that somebody made A comment, a very derogatory term. And you brought it to my. My attention. And I said, no, like, who. Who is it? I want to. Like, we're not tolerating that they, they need to go. And even at that point, you, you didn't tell me exactly who it was, but you were wanting to bring awareness that this is happening. And I so appreciate that you, you know, you brought it to my attention because I made sure that I said it and that people know that it's known and that we're not going to tolerate it. And if I ever hear it and if I ever know who it is, toodaloo. Like, that's not the way that our company runs. So even masking some of that, like, it's just mind boggling to me. There's so many different levels of disrespect that people don't truly realize how disrespectful they are being. If you know it's an honest mistake one time, that's fine, but multiple times, that's not okay. That's just a habit that you're creating. So. And with the name change, you know, it's, it's easy to miss. You know, maybe mispronounce. Mispronounce someone's name or call someone another name when you haven't known them very long. That was going on, like, after we've known you. We've been working with each other for over two years. You know, there was really no excuse. And so. And we kept correcting everybody. Like the people that were doing. We kept correcting them over and over and over again. And then we noticed, like, okay, they're not acknowledging it this way. Like, they would always text me instead of her. And they're like, you guys, like, you guys just are so similar. We don't, to me, we don't look alike. But the only difference is, so she just has straight hair and you have curly hair. So if she curled her hair, it's like, who or who? We don't know who's who. Like, like, there's a difference still. But we started having to. The only way we went about that was we started calling them different names, like, intentionally so that they would realize, like, hey, like, oh, I'm sorry, your name's. I don't know. You guys just look so much the same. Just like. And then eventually it started becoming a, you know, now they're noticing because now they're feeling it. And so now it's a personal feeling. Now they can remember that. But that was, it was crazy. Yeah. And there's things like that. I told you, like, people are saying certain things a lot of times. You know, of course, people aren't bringing everything to your attention. And I handled that situation the way I felt I needed to handle it. But when I told you I wasn't going, that was a. Let me tell you what's going on. Not so much. I need you to take care of this. I took care of it. But it's just really just like, how you are, like, how you're able to. You acknowledge things. You're not trying to just sweep everything under the rug. You're not trying to hide our feelings on things. You're allowing us to bring this to your attention and try to. Like, you're asking, like, okay, are you. Like, you know, when we go into that room, it's like, is this a vending session? Do I need. What do I need to do? How can I help? You're going out of your way to try to fix a situation. The problem is, of course, every situation cannot be fixed. This is an ongoing thing for, you know, it's been ongoing. And that's really why the only thing you do is spread awareness so that when it does happen, you have a bigger group of people on the same team to stop this and not so much of, oh, it's okay. It's not that big of a deal. Because it's not a big deal until it happens to you. Absolutely. Totally agree. And you know, like, and I'm not going to say again, it's same, same, because you. I don't think you can ever compare apples to oranges on this or oranges to oranges. Whatever you want to compare. But, you know, Ashley, I know that you experience a lot of pushback, and I'm gonna. I mean, really, it's discrimination, too, because in. In my opinion. Right. You're a beautiful blonde woman, and, you know, sometimes you may have RBF and resting bitch face. Right. But people are judging you on your appearance. Appearance. Regardless of my. In my opinion of your skin color or hair color or anything else, everybody is judging you. And Andrina has already said that. So how does that make you feel, Ashley? On. On how people are always constantly making comments on your physical appearance. Yeah. You know, I think. And I think Ashley can probably relate to this to let. Like, over time, right, it gets a little bit easier or you find a little bit more confidence to realize that it's really on those people. Right. So for a long time, I used to internalize that. You know, I used to do unhealthy things to try to make myself thinner, you know, those types of things. And it just takes a while to really realize that it isn't you. And, you know, I. What I noted on here is for anybody that's, you know, facing that type of discrimination, like, no transaction is. Is worth the way that someone makes you feel. No friendship is, you know, worth if someone is, you know, derogatory or can't see the. The light in you. And I think that that just takes time. But I think it's really unfortunate for all of us, right? I think between the three of us, we all have something that is unique or different than. Than others, and I find it unfortunate. And what I've come to now is it's their loss, it's not mine. Like, I know I'm a great friend. I know I'm a great realtor. And if they can't see past my, you know, blonde hair or maybe I'm a little shapely or I have, you know, nose ring, same thing. I mean, I've gotten all those comments. I started in real estate when I was in my late 20s, and I used to get that I was, you know, too young to know anything, and it is just amazing. One thing I found lately, though, I heard it on a TikTok, but was when someone says something like that, to actually respond with, are you okay? And the thought process is that you catch them off guard onto what they said, and then they actually think back to themselves, like, maybe that wasn't appropriate. And I've done that twice in the last month when someone said something inappropriate, you know, whether color or somebody said something about my rbf, which, hey, man, loves wrinkles. We're all for it. And I did say. I was like, are you okay? And they're like, what do you mean? I was like, why would you say something like that? And then they're like, I'm just joking. And I was like, that's. That's not funny, though. And I really caught them off guard. But I think it is just, you know, I remember, you know, we've talked about it is what it is. But, like, old white men, you know, they struggle with females in general, especially a female that isn't afraid to question them. And, you know, that was hard. I remember coming home, you know, crying, and, you know, why am I trying to make a difference? And nobody cares. But it is those people that are watching that you don't know, that are watching that I'm trying to inspire. And every now and then, you get someone that stops you out of the blue that you would have no idea that they are watching or anything. And they'll say thank you or you're such an inspiration. I came out of an appointment yesterday and I ran into an old teacher and she gave me a hug and just said, I just wanted you to know what an inspiration you are in this town. And I was caught off guard because again, you just don't know who's watching. So I think if we all can realize that we are inspirations to people for whatever reason, facts of difficulties that we're, you know, facing and the fact that we're willing to be so open to share, I think that's how we'll all continue to have these discussions. Maybe help someone to think in a different light. Absolutely. And you know, Ashley, I do have to say, you know, Ashley made a great point there. How many other people that are out there that are like you, that are, you know, experiencing this, that aren't able to or, you know, too afraid to speak up or speak out yet, you know, you to be able to inspire those. I mean, I know you inspired so many people in that room that day at the Broker Fast track retreat. And it's a constant conversation that we still have. So as scary as it is, you know, I do have to commend you and applaud you of how brave it is that you are able to stand strong in, be vulnerable and share your story. So that is absolutely freaking amazing. I love that about you. And you can continue to amaze me every single day. So I don't want to. I don't want to glaze over the fact either, Steven, that, I mean, you have a situation as well that you've had to. To deal with that I think that a lot of people could relate to. And I would love to hear a little bit about that from you. Which situation? I have quite a few. I mean, there's plenty. But let's talk about your sexuality. Yeah. Like, so a. I always kind of struggled with my sexuality, right. Like we're in the Midwest. It's, you know, you kind of had to suppress yourself. And at least that's the way that I felt. And you know, I went to college and honestly, one of the stories I was going to share my freshman year, the mass. Majority of my friends were black dudes, right. Like, and like, we all were hanging out and I cheered at a D1 university. If that didn't go give it away that I was gay, I don't know what did. But whatever, you know, like there was somebody that was bullying me, like legit, like, not, not just like talking, like trying to get in my face, push me and you know, calling me names and everything, right? And I didn't even know that my friends were behind me. And they're all like probably six, four plus basketball players, like awesome guys. And they beat the living shit out of this dude. And you know, like, I was like, whoa. Like they actually have my back. Like, you know, like these guys actually were people that made fun of me in high school, you know, or poking fun, but they really do have my back. So you can poke fun. And that's kind of when I started learning that people, yeah, there's jokes that you can be made, but when it's truly something that is intentional and Jagger thrown at you that your true people around you know that that's not acceptable and stand up for you. And that was absolutely amazing. Fast forward into. I think the biggest thing that has happened that it's just mind boggling to me still, even to this day. And I definitely would have handled it way differently. We. I just got my broker's license and we were at the local establishment of bar and grill and there just so happened to be this other broker, owner of a different company, competition, and they were drinking, which totally fine. And you know, I'm somebody that truly believes that everybody is entitled to their opinion. I don't run down the street with a pride flag. I. I don't throw things out in people's faces. I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable. But also with that being said, like, they can't, like it's not acceptable for them to throw their opinions and their objections over at me. Um, so I just feel like there should be this mutual respect. There was not this mutual respect here. This. That evening. And they were going on and they were making fun of Ryan and I. We were sitting at, you know, earshot table next to them and they were like, fa this FA that they were going on about. They legit pulled up the Google and started trying to find everything on Uber or Uber Dictionary. Nope. Urban dictionary of different derogatory terms related to gay people. And so like, okay, cool, whatever, you're drunk. Got up and like she just so happened to get out of the booth right in front of me, I don't think intentionally, to be honest with you. And I just said, hey, like, just letting you know, like, calm it down. We can hear you. Like, that's like, that's it. And like the rage of the. The flip of her hair and the. The way that she looked at me, she started screaming at me, and she goes, they took away. I can no longer say the N word. And she was very loud. I. I can no longer say the N word. You're not going to take FA away from me too. And I was like, I'm sorry, what? Like. Like, that caught me completely off guard. And then it just can continue to escalate, right? Like, she was going back, she was yelling. Like, I legit, like, thought that she was gonna punch me. And let's be honest. And I was not afraid to hit a girl at this moment in my time. Like, I wanted to rage out and bulk out. And, you know, I was like, I'm not gonna. Not even gonna engage. I tried to keep calm. I went to the bathroom and, like, it was so embarrassing because the entire restaurant turned and looked at us. Um, and it was so embarrassing. Like, you're legit calling me a derogatory meaning. Like, you're meaning to be derogatory, and you're calling me names and you're another. Your peer realtor. Like, that's not acceptable whatsoever. And when I get mad, like, to no end, I cry. Like, I just cannot control my emotions. I'm crying, like, my fists are, like, ready to go. I had to go outside. The manager had to, you know, kind of de escalate the thing. And it just so happened to be that the owner of the establishment is another realtor, and they already got wind. And she's calling me on the phone, and she was like, that is unacceptable. This is not okay. Like, we do not stand behind that. And he kept on going, right, Like. And I was like, we'll just see if this deescalates go back in. And it continues to go on. I mean, it just still. She's making a huge production, mind you. She has her children in the booth with her watching all of this. So I truly believe that it is taught and it is what you are raised in, but what a horrible, horrible person. It had to go. Like, my grandmother was the broker owner of the company at the time. Like, I had to call her to let her know because, hey, there's this big old fiasco that's happening. Like, I need to loop my grandma in, my broker in. Not because I'm going to my grandma to say, hey, fix this, but out of, like, from a professional standpoint. I had to let her know. Long story short, like, what happened was we met with my grandmother, called a meeting with other broker owners. There's multiple owners of this company at the time, and we we talked about the situation, and all of a sudden, you know, she said, I found God. And I, I, I, I'm gonna make sure, you know, like, that's never gonna happen again. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, I'm not knocking religion or anything else, but you can't tell me on a matter of 24 to 48 hours, thought all of a sudden the, the Lord and Savior, like, is coming down to save your ass. Like, and it's definitely not her,. But,. Like, that still continues, right? Like, she still does these things there month ago that it was very similar of just this. She was drunk and intoxicated and went absolutely berserko. But if I would have known, known what I know now, then I, I definitely would not have just let it go. And I think that's probably why, like, Andrina, I'm so quick of, you know, throwing things underneath the, the rug because I had to throw it under the rug, and that's not acceptable. I, I think that, you know, I, not, I think I know a, that was, I mean, verbal abuse, right? Like, look at the, the code of ethics that, I mean, every single one of them checks on that one. The, the legal ramifications that could have been there as well. Like, not okay. And so I wish that I would have done something then, because then would that have saved the, the next agent that just got completely humiliated as well and yelled at? Or what if there's clients that are out there and the thing that I cannot wrap my head around, like, at all, and I'm like, putting my hands on my face and like, because it drives me nuts. Like, she has black people working for her and do they truly know what she said and how derogatory she was? Like, that's sad. And here I can't, like, I can't go and say, hey, this is what happened and you know, multiple years ago. But also I know, like, I kind of fear for them and I worry about them. I don't even know these people, but I know what she said to me. And so I can't even imagine what she's still continuing to, to think. And it's absolutely freaking horrible. Yeah, there's so many other situations that have happened, but that was the main thing that I, like, I, I felt like from there I had to prove myself. I had to show, you know, I am successful, I am good at what I do. Um, it doesn't matter about my sexuality. Right? Like, all of these things I've done and. But it's because of somebody's BS opinion about me that I was trying to prove. And it took me a long time to realize that I need to love myself and prove everything to myself first before I could even allow to prove to other people. Now I don't need to prove to anybody else. And it's just loving myself and. And loving me first. So. Yeah. Shitty situation. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and I think, right, like, when you find people that you can just talk to about it, that helps a lot. But Andrina, one thing I wanted to come back to was, I think you said that after Steven hired you, there were a couple of other agents that came on after that. Can you tell us a little bit as far as, like, how that made you feel or. Or what. What that meant or how you were involved in that? I think I really like that I made someone comfortable enough to come to a company. I mean, I think that in its own. But then it's kind of like that. The fact that I, you know, I have to have the understanding of why that's the one thing that makes them comfortable to even give it a chance, you know, that in its own is a whole thing. But I'm glad that they were able to find somebody, somewhere that gave them that sense of comfort and that belonging. Yeah. Well, I hope that everybody that is listening has multiple different takeaways. And, you know, if you have a story that you want to share, reach out to us, let us know. We would love to have other guests. And Andreen, I can't thank you enough. Like a. Again, you're a fantastic agent. You're a great friend. I. I really value our friendship and everything that we have gone through and grown through. And at the end of the day, I think that we all can continue to help one another and inspire other people that are out there to be able to be a better person and better human. Thank you, everybody for. For listening and thank you guys for hanging out for a little bit. Thank you for having me. Absolutely. If you've enjoyed today's episode, please, like, subscribe and share with others. Stay connected. For more genuine insights and strategies to boost your real estate career on Facebook or check out our website. We'll see you next time.