The Algorithm Trap

I find that this time of the year it can be a little bit more difficult too, in that, you know, you get home at 5:30 or 6 and it's dark out and you can't necessarily go for a walk outside. I was really thankful to be able to play volleyball last night. Right. That was like 45 minutes of cardio activity without my phone. Right. But it is just the awareness I couldn't imagine, like, if you get home at 5:30 when it's dark and you don't go to bed until 10 and I mean, I can guarantee you there are people that probably scroll for like four hours and then just like think to yourself that you just consumed like four hours of toxic or negativity or doomsday, because there's a ton of doomsday going on as well. And like, I just couldn't imagine, if you will going to bed with that, you're probably not going to sleep well. Welcome to the Leading Lane Podcast for Real Estate Pros by Real Estate Pros with your hosts, Ashley Frederick and Steven Burch. If you're looking for an honest, authentic and raw perspective, you found it. Welcome to the Leading Lane podcast. All right, so I don't know if it's going to be a rant or what it's going to be, but we'll just go with it. So there's a lot of things going on in the world right now that's happening. There's a lot of change on the political side in the government. There's so much unknown. And I don't care where you are, like if you're on the left, the right, or what party affiliation you are. I think my, my biggest thing right now is how media can. Social media specifically, and major news outlets. Right. Can derail the true issue that is happening at hand. A lot of propaganda that's happening, a lot of clickbait scare tactics to get people to be scared and not know what's going on and create chaos. And. And I think ultimately what is happening at that really is more frustrating to me is how people are treating one another. Right? Like they're attacking people. They're keyboard warriors, they're. I mean, it's just completely disgusting. And I don't know where we went wrong in the world of. As far as being able to agree to disagree and have mutual respect for one another and have civil conversations. But, you know, it's kind of scary. I don't know how else to say, but, you know, we're talking about flying and Ashley, you said that, you know, it's kind of getting this little bit of a fear of getting on a plane because right now there's so much in the news about flights and tragedy and accidents that are happening. But as I said before, like, I really think it's because the. The media, like, once your algorithm picks it up, right, and it's. You're focused on it, that's all you're going to see and you're going to pay attention to, and that's all you can fixate on. So I don't know, kind of just threw that out there of a little rant and then we can go and see where it goes. Isn't it like the. What is that, like your. Your reticulating act? What is that, like, when you see, like, the same, like, white vehicle, reticulate, whatever that's called? I can't think of it right now. Reactor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever it is, the brain. It's like, right? So, like, you have a Cadillac and then, like, all you see on the road are Cadillacs, right? Like, it's kind of the same thing. But I think, like, many moons ago, I used to have this fear of flying. And I. I think I maybe, maybe not on the podcast, but at one time talked about how, you know, I thought there was a terrorist on the flight. And then, like, it was absolute craziness, right? Like, lots ensued and, like, I definitely thought that we were not coming out of that airplane ride. I think the more frequently I started flying, the more I realized, like, it's just another habit, daily habit of getting on the plane, getting off the plane, full of delays, etc. But you're right, I think that, you know, there's a tragedy. And I think what happened, you know, as far as the plane crash, is extremely tragic. I think it's part of that, like, you get to see all these people's lives and. And who they were and what they were doing, and it's just absolutely, like, heartbreaking because, like, for example, that was a pre Olympic, you know, figure skating team. And like, that same weekend, my nephew had flown to Florida for a pre Olympic soccer program. You know, and I think it's like a reality switch that, like, literally can happen. But you're right in that I think the world that we're in, like, and that's the way algorithms work. Like, you start to. You spend more time on one, your algorithms pick that up, or you might interact with one. You like it, you love it, whatever. But to me, I told you earlier, I was like, gosh, I'm supposed to fly this weekend and I'm starting to get a little panicked, which I haven't done for a really long time because, I mean, you and I both fly a lot and it's just become normal. And I think to myself, I even got on a freaking six person flight like six months ago. And right. I managed to survive that, you know, and I'll, I'll be honest. Like it is when you go down this, this path. And at least it's a matter of. I can realize it. But I think I googled like how many flights are in a day and it is something outrageous. It's like, I don't know if it was a million. I, I think it might have been like 1.5 million or something like that. And so I was like, okay, Ashley, like there are 1.5 million flights a day. We're talking about like one that you're taking. And I was actually having a conversation about that. I ran into someone at the coffee shop this morning and they said that they were having a flight coming up and they were thinking they were going to cancel and they were going to drive. And you and I were talking about how, I think the statistics actually show that you're more likely to get in a car accident than you are a lane. And if you think about that, like driving, like, my God, like, how many vehicles do you come across? Like you're driving from the north to the south, like thousands, right? And all it takes is one person across the center line and you know, where. If you're talking about flights, like it's mechanical error or. Right. Another plane or whatnot. But I, it was interesting. I noticed in the algorithms too, that something that happened like seven months ago now came up in my algorithm. So there was something about a, something that happened on a tarmac. And I was like, how could this happen the same week? And then so I like looked at the, the comments and they were from like November. And I was like, see? Like, why is that coming up in my algorithm now? And really, I think we have to remind ourselves of facts over fear. And if you can really fill yourself with facts of safety in the skies and those types of things, that can start to trump the fear. But I think that it's, it's not just flying. I think it's just, you know, I had another friend that talked about not going to like, our, our franchises conference because, you know, it's in New Orleans and obviously there was a tragedy there a couple months ago as well. And you know, it's kind of like, oddly enough there's always been a tragedy, like where we've had our conferences. So, you know, in Vegas we had a conference and there was a tragedy, you know, there. I remember when we were in Vegas last year, they came and they checked our rooms before the marathon. Like, that was the craziest thing I've ever experienced. Like they were looking for a shooter in my room, you know, or Orlando. And I think that we just have to remember that, like, life is, is life. We can't focus on those small things because then I actually feel like we're missing out on some of the greatest things that you could experience. You know, like you could go to New Orleans, you could meet someone new that might impact your life forever. But, you know, you were so scared about the two hour flight that you missed out on an opportunity that could change your trajectory. So I think what I wanted to just bring to attention today is awareness that we have to be the stop gap. Like, we have to be the ones that are like, enough's enough. I need to turn off TikTok. I need to turn off whatever. I can go for a walk on the treadmill. If you're somewhere where it's nice enough, you can go for a walk outside. Like, that's so much better for your mental health. But it is a matter of being able to realize that, okay, like we're, we are, we are not helping ourselves in any way, shape or form. And I think that's also something like, to reach out to someone, right? So like I reached out to you and I was like, literally, like, I have this random fear, fine. And then that's. My girlfriend was like, ashley, facts over fear. And I was like, you are correct. I need to stop going down this rabbit hole. Well, and I think that that's what, you know, again with anything. And it's, you can kind of understand where some of this. I think there's a social gap in the world, right? Because social media, right? And they don't know how. People don't know how to truly articulate now on a social setting what's going on, what they're processing, because they take everything that they see online for literally face value. And you make a great point facts, right? Like you have to be able to do critical thinking, get down to it and understand that it, it may not be the true presence of events, right? This could be pulled up from however long ago, but it's just because of the algorithm or because of what you're looking at. But really I think that like, this is where, you know, interjects chaos in our, our own minds. And then, you know, one of the topics we kind of talked about like that we want to talk about is mental health and maybe this goes right into that. But you, if you don't get yourself out of that rut and you don't go do something different as far as the, you know, walking or doing whatever you need to do, just sitting there scrolling like you're. I can totally see where mental health is something that people maybe don't really realize that it's creeping up on them and they're not paying attention to how much that scrolling and that information that they're receiving is really affecting them and their anxiety and their depression and you know, their fears, like all of the different things that are going to compound together that if you don't stop, if you don't find a different way, like you're going to compound together and you're going to find yourself in a really dark place. And I don't want anybody to be in that dark place whatsoever. Well, and I think, you know, I know that you guys aren't as cold as we are, but you know, like we have 40 mile an hour winds today. I'm sure it's like negative 10. Right. So I find that this time of the year could be a little bit more difficult too in that, you know, you get home at 5:30 or 6 and it's dark out and you can't necessarily go for a walk outside. Uh, like I was really thankful to be able to play volleyball last night. Right. That was like 45 minutes of cardio activity without my phone. Right. Um, but it is just the awareness I couldn't imagine, like if you get home at 5:30 when it's dark and you don't go to bed until 10 and I mean I can guarantee you there are people that probably scroll for like four hours and then just like think to yourself that you just consumed like four hours of toxic or negativity or doomsday because there's a ton of doomsday going on as well. And like I just couldn't imagine if you will going to bed with that. You're probably not going to sleep well either and then you're going to wake up and start the next day like already in this downward spiral, if you will. So I think we just have to be really aware of. I do like catch myself like, okay, like I've done that for like 20 minutes. Like I need to go find something to do whether it's walking laps in my own house or you know what? I should read a book. Like, I should go get an actual hard, hard cover book and pour some, like, goodness into my soul. Because I think when you actually start to do that, like, that is when it is easier to sleep and when it's easier and I've really focused on trying to reconnect with people. Like, I. Right. I had coffee with someone this morning. I have coffee with someone tomorrow. So, like, if we can fill those little voids in our day with just pouring into other people, I think that that can help keep us up here. But I think you also don't know where other people are. So when you are having coffees or lunches with someone, you very quickly learn that they're likely struggling with something. And it could be because of the world that we're living in. And if you can kind of either bright moment for the day or maybe have the reality check for them, like, maybe it's not such a good idea to be watching all those things. Why don't you try. Over the weekend, we tried to find a new. A new sitcom, which. That's a whole nother. I mean, right? It's. It's the Diplomat, which is really good, but it's, like, about the, you know, like the British and the Scottish and the Americans, like, fighting over stuff. And I was like, this is the best time to be watching, you know, this, but trying to find something. So even I think we watched. I can remember what movie it was, but, like, there was an old movie. Like, I thought about pulling out, like, my Billy Madison the other day, because I was like, I just need something to laugh about. Give some positivity. And. And, you know, there's so many different things to unpack there, like the people. And. And I know that I have been one of these people, but scroll. And then you go to bed, like, okay, look at the. The blue light and everything else that you're. You're receiving, you're looking at, you're stimulating your brain. But then what is typically the first thing that you pick up in the morning? Like, for me, my alarm is on my phone. So the very last thing that I did was look at my phone. And the very first thing that I'm doing is looking at my phone. And something that you do, I mean, is that you try not to have your phone whatsoever in the morning. And I think that's something that is crucial to start your day because if you just go and jump right back into scrolling and getting. I mean, it's addictive, right? Like, it's how Many likes did I get? How many comments did I get, who said what? Right. Like you, you jump on there and it gets addicting to, to be able to get you back into that social media pool and how long until you get out of it and are you actually being productive and setting yourself up for success that day? But I also really enjoy. Go ahead. I was just gonna say, I mean you're right. Like I, and you probably know, because I know sometimes you send me emails like I typically don't respond to them until, I don't know, probably like nine or ten o' clock because I refused to put myself into my emails like that early because I know that I'll lose track of what I was doing. You know, I think I've come to the realization that like there's nothing that can't wait. I mean, right. You would know if you were expecting an email that was time sensitive, I would imagine, or someone would have reached out to, but really protecting that time in the morning to, you know, work out, do a little, you know, Shakti mushroom mat, red light therapy, you know, whatever that is. I mean I do that at the crack of dawn so that I'm not interrupted and I don't have to. It's like this, you mentioned it before, but like this anxiousness, like there's no point in putting anxiousness into my morning when I don't have to. So sure, I'll shut my alarm off and think I'll normally say if I got a text message because you know, there's always that like did something happen overnight somewhere, you know, to somebody, but otherwise I have audible and that's about it. And then I don't open my emails until like we've talked about like making sure you're ready to respond to emails and not convoluted with your morning because you owe it to yourself to have some, some time. Well, you, you kind of create this like if you're getting that negativity. Right, right. Like at least this is for me, kind of what I would do is now I'm like thinking about, because I create my, my anxiousness. I think about like what else is going to go wrong in the day? Right? What, what else is going to happen? Like kind of create these scenarios and these arguments if you will, in my brain about like, well, Ashley's going to be mad at me today and, or whomever. Right. Like, and you know, this is how the, it's going to play out. Well, in reality I'm making all of this up and it's overflowing. From the negativity that I'm receiving. So I, I think you, you make a great point there too of like making the connection with people and yes, like you can help them, but also, you know, if you are going in there with an open and clear mind and heart, like you can receive a lot of information and different perspective from them as well. But if you're, if you're not, then obviously you're gonna have two toxic people sitting there having a conversation. And that's not a positive thing. So it's those consecutive different decisions that are, you know, that are happening that, that you have to make sure that you make that choice to position that next step, whatever it's going to be in the day that it's going to be positive for you. So that you're not having just a pure chaos day in a pure chaos world. Right. You get that breath of fresh air for people. So. Yeah, no, it's just crazy to see. And you know, like, I, I never really tried to talk too much politics with people because I think that everybody has their opinion. Right. But you know, even the, the negativity amongst these people, a lot of people, and the attacking of just pure nastiness, like that's not the world that we're trying to, to live. And if you can be that one shining light in one person's life per day. Right. Like how much of the, of a ripple effect is that going to have? And really that ripple effect started from social media. My opinion, if it's going to be a negative or a positive experience. Well, and I think the other thing, I think we've talked about it before, but you know, you can, you can love on people that you have differing opinions on and if you find that it's bothersome to you, which there are some, and like, you know, you try not to let it bother you. But I mean, unfollow people. I mean there are some people right now that you can see that they're, I mean, I feel like that they're posting to create drama. Like they're posting to have some type of argument with someone. And like I have zero space for that. So I either keep scrolling or you just unfollow and. Right. Like you can always refollow maybe when things calm down. But like don't, don't allow yourself to even feel or see those things or just if you're scrolling past someone and someone makes like you see something that upsets you, like they're probably gonna have more of that. Maybe you should just unfollow them, you know, and I think, you know, that we've talked about just some drama in my own hometown over the last week, which is just extremely unnecessary. And, you know, it is a matter of taking that high road, and that comes with time. But I always tell people, like, I'm not going to focus my energy, like, down here. Like, I'm busy up here focusing my energy so people can live in that misery. They can do things to upset you, but as long as you have this, like, corrective, protective bubble around you that you realize that those things are beneath you and those things are not good for your mental health, it's just a matter of, like, okay, well, you do you. I'm gonna do me. I'm gonna stay over here in my positive zone. And so the let them theory, Mel Robbins, right. Like, which I'm like, halfway through the book. Yeah. And. And I want to read the book. Like, I obviously love the theory behind it, right. And actually have a tattoo on my middle finger that says, let them. Place there strategically. Right. Because I basically like them. Let them. Let them. And I think it's so great that when I recognize now when I kind of get that anxiety feeling back that, you know, irritation somebody of what they posted or their opinion, whatever else, like, I mentally stop myself and I said, let them. And it's great to have that pause and being able to, like, it's a release, if you will, of, like, I can't. I can't pick up their rock and, you know, put it in my backpack and carry around their weight. Like, let them have their opinion. They're entitled to their opinion. It does not need to phase me. And like you said, I'm gonna. I'm gonna still be up here. I'm gonna do what I need to do in my positive mind. And they can continue to be stagnant. They can continue. I mean, there's a reason, if you look at the people that are the victims constantly and constantly barking, their life is pretty consistent, right? Like, yeah, let them. Let them stay there. You're doing other things, and, you know, you're going to continue to surpass. And it's so hard to be able to say, I'm going to rise above. And so I try not to say that I'm going to rise above because I don't need to rise above. I'm already above. And I can let them continue to do their. Their. And I'm going to live my happy life because I only get one. Well, and I think, you know, like, the next part of that is like, after. Let them. Like, she talks about it's Let me. Right? So like, let me, you know, figure out what that means for me or how I'm going to. And internalize that. And I think the best example she gives, which is like, I think maybe the second chapter of the book, it's right away. But talks about. She went on social media and she saw this, like, whole group of girls, and she was like, oh, my gosh, like, that's such a cute dress. I'm gonna. I'm gonna zoom in on it. And she zooms in on it, and it's like her. Who she thought were like, her closest friends, and they all went away together for this weekend. And then, you know, she fell into this, like. Like, how come I wasn't invited and how come I'm not there and what did I do wrong? And I think that we are all guilty of. Of that. And, you know, it was funny because I had kind of thought about something that happened like, two weeks ago, and I was like, I wonder why we weren't, you know, there. But right. In the same sense, I was like, I mean, they're lost, you know, like. But also I was like, you know what it is? It's like a. You have to then take that step back and be like, I mean, like, I haven't really reached out to them lately. Like, our goals in life probably have changed. And we've talked about that a lot. You know, when. When you're kind of on this upward trajectory like that, that bothers some people or some people can't be happy for you, and that's probably why some of those friendships fall off. That's okay. That doesn't mean you can't be friends or, you know, you can't still see each other. But it. It. I think it resonated with me because I think there are so many people that get so obsessed with, like, when they see people doing things and why they weren't there. It's just. It's such a. You know, there's. There's obviously good of social media, but there's just such a negativity. And if we can all realize, like, right, so, like, let them have their weekend away. Let them, you know, do their thing and let me focus on why that might have bothered me or could I have done something differently. Or maybe it is a realization that we've outgrown each other and there's nothing wrong with that. And it's funny that, again, our conversations always end up to be fantastic in relating Back to the things that are happening currently. This morning, I actually got a text message from somebody that was. They're going through stuff and whatnot. And she was telling me that she was talking to her therapist and she said, healed people grow away from the unhealed 100. Man, that really resonates with me of, you know, especially the different things that you, you know, you shared with me in. In your hometown that's going on. Like, they're unhealed. Correct. Those. I mean, people hurt people. I hurt people. Hurt people. Yep. And hurt people hurt people. That's it. And that is. That's not. I don't want to hurt people, and I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to be unhealed. I want to be healed. I want to be happy. You know, I want to make sure that, you know, if I can help others and bring others with that is the type of tribe, if you will, that I want to be a part and let the other people do their thing. And you do you boo. And I'm do me. Yeah. I think it's just such a realization to be able to get to that point. You know, I think Ben was watching a YouTube video this morning because he's on this journey to be a little bit more positive, because when you're stuck in a house for, you know, eight weeks, I think I get really tough. But the guy said something. I'll have to look at it again. But as we like to talk about, you're the sum of the five people that you most. You spend your most time with. But he also shifted it to say, like, you're a sum of the five people that are, like, encouraging you to be better and do better. And, like, that meant a lot to me. Like, yes, there are people that you surround yourself with, right? Like your work people, you know, things, people that you see all day. But it's really like, the five people that are the ones that are going to be like, could you try this? Or could you do this better? Or maybe we should work on this? Or, I'm going to hold you accountable to this goal. Like, you and I, you know, Ryan, Ben, like, we talked about quarterly goals, right? And we're supposed to be holding each other accountable for them. And we talked about the other day that we haven't. Some of us have done some of them, some of them hasn't. So, Right. Like, a friendly email went out about, hey, like, we're going to do this this quarter. Let's do it. But you have to find those People that are willing to push that envelope versus the ones that let you stay stagnant. Because that's not how you end up being better or impacting other people. There we go. Sorry, I muted myself. But yeah, no, it goes back to the circle of people, your mindset, right? The energy that you are putting into the world, you're going to be receiving back from the world. It's. It's crazy that we continuously come back to the same major topics over and over and over. But again, in reality, it's those small occurrences that happen, those decisions that you have to make really quickly. I mean, another great book by Mel Robbins, right? The five second rule. Don't allow yourself to give yourself time to talk yourself out of it, right? Get the shit done and let's freaking go. And not live in chaos and stagnant life. And I think that's both your and my goal is to be able to impact others, to help them through the journey. Because it's not a. It's not always rainbows and sunshine, right? Sometimes it's a. Life throws a lot of different things at you, twists and turns, and you have to be able to navigate through. And as long as you continue that momentum when those things are thrown at you, I think it's a little bit easier to be able to navigate through and get to the other side a little bit quicker and a little bit happier. Well, and I think the reminder for people too is just that if you are struggling, right, like, just reach out to someone, whether it's Steven or I or someone in your own network, like, there is definitely someone there. And I think we don't do enough of that. I don't think that we do enough of asking for help or, you know, that I'm very much this way too. Like, if something doesn't seem right with someone, like, I'm adamant about, is everything okay? Are you sure you're okay? Right. A lot of people don't. I think you can just take it on or you're fine, you don't need to talk about it. But whenever we bottle those things up, that's when they tend to get worse. So, you know, that's such a misnomer as far as putting everything in a cup and keeping it to yourself. And really that's not neg. I mean, it's negative, it's not helpful. So I think just a reminder that if anyone is struggling, like, there's definitely someone out there that is willing to listen or help or point you in the right direction or just be someone that is willing to listen to for sure. Well, great topic. Good job that we just threw that off there. Saw where we went, right? So if you guys would like to either being a guest on our podcast or if you have any topics that you would like for us to go over, please reach out to us. We'd love to hear from everyone and tune in for the next one. See good ones. If you've enjoyed today's episode, please like subscribe and share with others. Stay connected for more genuine insights and strategies to boost your real estate career on Facebook or check out our website. We'll see you next time.